Ninjago Abridged: Season One
by Amberdiamondswords
Summary: Gather around everyone and read the most messed up version of Ninjago ever! I'm talking cuss words, yaoi references, drunk sensei's, and as many fourth wall breaks as you want! Rated T for language and basically everything else that happens. Possibly the weirdest thing I have ever written, but trust me, it's worth it.
1. Chapter 1: Rise of the Cargo Shorts

**Well guys, ONCE AGAIN I made a story on impulse, BUT TRUST ME THIS ONE YOU WILL LIKE!**

**Inspired by Lloyd Garmaderp's story and Yu-Gi-Oh comes NINJAGO ABRIDGED!**

**What is Ninjago Abridged, well...let's just say I'm gonna drive the series into the GROUND! INTO THE EFFING GROUND!**

**I'm going to make the ninja say things that will make you say "OH-NO SHE F*CKING DIDN'T JUST MAKE HIM SAY THAT!"**

**But trust me, this is gonna be funny as hell. And you should know by now that comedy is my specialty.**

**So without ado, let's get started with Episode 1: Rise of the Cargo Shorts**

* * *

Sensei: *Meditating in his room* Hm...I wondering what I'm meditating about

_My little pony, my little pony_

Sensei: Yeah, that's the good stuff, good meditating.

?: Oh oh! Get that! That's a good one!

?: Yeah! Punch him right in the face!

Sensei: Who's in my house?! *runs out of the room and checks the training course* Are the dummies talking again?!

?: Go up! Up!

Sensei: *checks the video game room and sees the four ninja playing Grand Theft Auto V* Oh that's right, my grandchildren are here!

Jay: For the last time Sensei, you're not our grandpa

Sensei: Be quiet Charlie! No more TV for you! *Unplugs TV*

Ninja: AAWWWWWWWWW!

Sensei: Why aren't you training?

Cole: Because we don't want to, we'd rather watch a video game character get lap dances from whores

Sensei: I don't care how aroused you get from watching that, my evil brother may return one day. And you need to be ready when that happens!

Kai: But we don't wanna battle the dark lord!

Sensei: I don't care! And get that pizza off of your sword, I'm not going to clean it again!

Kai: Wait, that gold thing is a sword?! I thought that it was a new model of the Easy Bake Oven! I can like touch anything with it and it will cook it! And now you tell me that it's a f*cking sword?

Cole: You thought that it was an Easy Bake Oven? That's like saying that I'm a grizzly bear

Kai: Wait, you're not a grizzly bear?! WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?!

Sensei: *sigh* Ninjago is totally screwed

Cole: Well, if Ninjago is screwed, we better get in as many uncensored lap dances as possible! *Plugs TV back in*

Zane: Don't worry Sensei, it's not like Garmadon is going to return right this minute

Nya: HOLY SH*T GARMADON HAS RETURNED!

Ninja: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kai: Damn it Zane!

Jay: Quickly! To the dragons that we keep chained up in small cages!

Nya: Don't forget your nunchucks Jay, I love you!

Jay: Shut up bitch, I know it!

**-At the dragon stables-**

Zane: *runs out in front of the dragon doors* Okay, I'm going to let the dragons out while you guys-

Cole: Hey look, a lever! *Pulls lever*

Zane: *Squished by the door* God damn it Cole!

Jay: Hey guys watch this I'm gonna jump onto my-*Falls off of his dragon*

Kai: Are you alright Jay?

Jay: ...*Starts crying like a little kid* MOMMY! MOMMY!

Nya: Hey, can your younger sister who is also the only family you have left come on this life threatening mission?

Kai: Sure!

Nya: Oh yaay!

Kai: Lol, jk, screw you! Now shut up and help me with the dragon reins!

***Ninja fly off on their dragons***

Jay: Hey, does anyone else get ass pains from the saddles?

Kai: No Jay, it's only you who gets ass pains!

Cole: Hey, is anyone else getting the sh*t scared out of them when thinking about fighting the ultimate evil?

Zane: Yes, I am getting the turds scared out of me right now

Ninja: ...

Kai: Hey, wait, I just remembered something...JC Penney is having a sale on cargo shorts!

Ninja: CARGO SHORTS?!

Kai: Let's fly our dragon at unnecessary speeds and get those cargo shorts!

***The ninja ride their dragons at unnecessary speeds to get to the cargo shorts. But they end up crashing***

Jay: Where are they? WHERE ARE THE SHORTS!

Kai: I think that they're over there! Let's go look!

*ninja run to the Jamanakai Village*

Zane: Look at that shadow on the cliff! It's coming right for us!

*The shadow gets closer to the ninja, revaeling itself*

Lloyd: I am Lloyd Garmadon, son of Lord Garmadon! I will rule all y'all f*ckers cause my dad is lord of the underworld! Now give me off of y'all's candy or else eternal darkness will rain upon your land and you all shall slowly die in painful agony! Mwuhahahahaha!

Jay: ...You're not cargo shorts

Lloyd: Nope, I'm just a kid

Jay: He's not even a kid wearing cargo shorts...

Villager: Hey look, an eight year old boy! Let's throw stuff at him!

Lloyd: Eww, vegetables! They're not even ripe! How the hell are you people still alive? These crops are nasty!

Jay: Move outta the way bitches, ninja comin' through.

Kai: Please ignore the four grown men taking this eight-year-old boy against his will. Nothing suspicious going on here!

***The ninja tie Lloyd to a flag pole***

Lloyd: Ah! Let me down! The pole is getting closer to my ass and I'm getting worried!

Zane: *Goes to the candy stand* Give me enough candy to put four people into a sugar coma *Buys candy and gives it to the ninja*

Jay: Mmm, weird LEGO cotton candy! It may look good but it tastes like ass!

Lloyd: LITTLE KID TANTRUM!

***Back at the dragons***

Kai: Hi Flame, sorry for crashing you into a cliff, but I'm sure you're okay now. Isn't LEGO logic magical? *Climbs onto the dragon and something falls out of the dragon's satchel*

Cole: Hey what's this in your bag Kai?

Kai: I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS JUST HOLDING IT FOR A FRIEND!

Zane: It's a scroll

Kai: Oh...right...wh-what does it say?

Jay: It's written in drunken Sensei writing!

Zane: Not Sensei's Friday Night Keg writing, it's ancient writing. It says...get 20% off all sectional couches this week when you bring this in-store

Kai: Oh my god, it's an ancient Art Van coupon

Zane: Oh, and it also prophesizes about the green ninja and how he'll defeat the dark lord. Do you know what this means?

Jay: Yeah, my ass is going to looks so sexy in green

Cole: No way, my ass is twice as sexy your ass will ever be!

Zane: It is clear that my rectum is the tightest!

Kai: That's it, we shall have a tournament to determine who's ass looks the sweetest in green!

Cole: You're all on!

***At the monastery after riding the dragons at unnecessary speeds***

Kai: *Opens monastery doors* Nya! Get off of our training course!

Nya: No, it's my turn-*gets in the face with the side of an axe*

Jay: AHA! That thing just bitch slapped you! But you should be used to those by now

Cole: Ouch *throws a helmet and it hits Jay in the head*

Jay: OW!

Kai: Alright, now that we have the cheap protection, let's play with our powerful nature bending weapons that have the power to kill us with one hit!

Jay: HYAH! *Swings nunchucks and electrocutes himself* SON OF A BITCH THAT HURT!

Kai: Well, while Jay is in agonizing pain, I'll use my sword *Fires a sword and sets Jay on fire*

Jay: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kai: The goof, the goof, the goof is on fire. He don't need no water, let the motherf*cker burn! HAHAHAHAHA!

Cole: ...What the actual f*ck Kai?

Kai: Ehehehe...I have the sudden urge to stab Sensei...

Sensei: Nice try Kai, I hid all of your shanking knives!

Kai: F*ck!

Zane: I guess we're fighting now

Cole: Yes we are

Zane: And now I shall use all of my strength and bravery to overcome this battle and-OH MY GOD THERE'S A BUG ON MY SHURIKENS! *Throws shurikens and it freezes Cole's legs*

Cole: No wonder people ship you with Elsa, this ice is freaking COLD! But since the script says that I win this battle, I guess I'll do this *trips Zane with his scythe and holds it up to his neck*

Kai: Well, this is it, one of us two has the sexiest bottom. And it's most likely that it's you, seriously, you're ass is as hard as a rock

Cole: Why thank you

Kai: I mean seriously, look at your body, no wonder people fangirl over you.

Cole: Okay, I get it you can stop now-

Kai: Yeah...I wouldn't mind having some of that...do you know what Lavashipping is?

Cole: Kai, stop thinking yaoi thoughts! You're sword is getting hotter and hotter!

Kai: Why thank you for noticing

Cole: Not that sword! The golden one!

Kai: Oh...oh yeah...HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT *drops sword and the floor catches on fire* HOLY SH*T THIS IS FREAKY!

Sensei: What are you kids doing on my lawn?! I'm going to throw these shurikens at you! *throws shurikens and the ice powers puts the fire out* What are you kids doing?

Jay: We're trying to figure out who has the ass of the green ninja!

Sensei: *Sighs* I was hoping that you would never find about this. None of you has the butt of the green ninja! Until you reach your true pontential, your butts shall be flat and unattractive!

Ninja: ...Awwwwww

Jay: They would look better in cargo shorts...

***Out in the middle of some sort of snowy plains***

Lloyd: Damn it's cold out here, I wonder if Elsa is around here somewhere. Hey look, a metal floor! Hey look, a lever! *Doors opens* Hey look, a giant gaping hole that will most likely kill me!

***Lloyd falls into the hole and into an ice cavern***

Lloyd: OW MY ASS!

Slithraa: Hello little boy, you are a long way from home...seriously you're in the middle of nowhere. But, anyway, look into my eyes and become my slave

Lloyd: Convenient ice mirror powers go! *shows Slithraa his reflection*

Slithraa: *Hypnotizes himself* Whoa...trippy man, trippy

Lloyd: Uh, are you my slave now?

Slithraa: Whatever ya' say midget person, what do you want us to do?

Lloyd: Us?

***A bunch of Hypnobrai Serpentine surround Lloyd***

Lloyd: My own army!

...

Lloyd: While you're here will you each buy a box of cookies for my boy Scout Troop

Hypnobrai: COOKIES!

***Back at the monastery***

Sensei: Hehehe, silly Olaf, snowmen can't live in summer-HEY HEY! I was watching that! I don't care if the Serpentine have returned...I don't care if people are in danger...AH! Leave my mother out of this! Alright alright, I'm getting them. GRANDKIDS! THE SERPENTINE HAVE RETURNED! GO TAKE CARE OF IT!

Kai: We're not your grandchildren!

Sensei: Don't sass me Timmy!

Kai: *Sighs* Alright, let's go. My sister is down where the Serpentine are anyway

Jay: How do you know that?

Kai: I don't know, the author forgot to mention it. But let's go anyway! And let's do all the things that we failed at before but do them successfully because we trained for a whole ten minutes.

Jay: TO THE STABLES!

***Batman transition screen***

Zane: *Doesn't get squished by the doors*

Jay: *Jumps onto his dragon*

Kai: Hwy, look at that, Jay didn't fall of his dragon

Jay: No...but the rein handle did hit a certain area...and by that I mean by crotch

Cole: SHUT UP ANF FLY YOUR DRAGON!

***The ninja shut up and fly their dragons to Jamanakai Village***

Kai: Hey look, it's the kid who doesn't wear cargo shorts!

Lloyd: *With a wheel barrel of candy* I am so gonna get diabetes from all of this candy but it's worth it!

Kai: Hey look, snake people who also aren't wearing cargo shorts...or any other type of clothing

Cole: I don't think that they mind

Snake: *Runs through the village* I'M NAKED!

Jay: Okay, I've just been scarred for life. But let's kick these snake's bare asses!

Zane: Uhhh, can we have them take showers first?

Jay: No!

Ninja: WEIRD ELEMENTAL TORNADO MOVE THAT FOR SOME REASON HAS THE SAME NAME AS A CITY AND THE NAME OF THE TV SHOW IT'S SELF GOOOOOOOOOO! *Use spinjitzu*

Kai: OW! Stepped on a nail, stepped on a nail, stepped on a-*wall face plant*

Jay: Wow, were gonna get ourselves killed if we don't start training...WELL IT WAS A GOOD LIFE!

Skales: Since I'm the only sane one here, I guess I'm the only one who thought of doing this. Hey you! Grizzly bear ninja!

Cole: For the last time I'm not a grizzly bear!

Skales: Put a sock in it Smokey and look into my eyes *Hypnotizes Cole*

Cole: Whoa...is this what being on drugs is like

Skales: Pretty much, yeah

Nya: Cole, don't look at him!

Cole: Aw, but I wanna. He's making feel things that I've never felt before!

Kai: You make me feel things that I've never felt before

Nya: Kai, stop showing your yaoi side in public!

Kai: I finally agree to come out of the closet and these guys are just shoving me back in. Then again this show is rated PG

Cole: Hey look, I suddenly have the staff...when did that happen?

Zane: The author didn't feel like explaining it! Now put the staff in the village fountain and cure the hypnotized villagers that the author forgot about!

Cole: Duh, okay boss *Shoves the staff in the fountain and cures the villagers*

Slithraa : Curses, foiled again for the first time. RETREAT MY HOMIES!

***Serpentine run off***

Kai: Bye, come again! Lol, jk, you guys suck!

Sensei: Hello, I'm here now

Zane: Sensei, how did you get here?

Sensei: I don't know. I don't even remember five minutes ago. But you are close to reaching that weapon's true potential chiz that I keep talking about

Jay: I thought that the true potential was about our asses?

Sensei: Who are you? Where am I?

***At the Hypnobrai's cave***

Slithraa: Damn it's cold in here! Why did we put our secret lair in the middle of a frigging tundra? I know that we have low income but we could do so much better than this dump!

Lloyd: Who cares about the location, WHAT ABOUT MY CANDY?! LITTLE KID TANTRUM!

Skales: What the f*ck are we looking at here?

Soldier: I don't know, maybe you should do something

Skales: Nah, I'm just gonna sit here as the camera zooms into my eyes and show that Cole is still hypnotizes

Soldier: Oh...who's Cole?

Skales: The grizzly bear!

_**NINJAGO: The Abridged Series**_

* * *

**Yes, it's supposed to be that f*cked up**

**It took me two days to write that...TWO DAYS! **

**Once again, the idea came from Lloyd Garmaderp, LittleKuriboh, and CardGamesFTW. So props to them.**

**Also, is anyone else having problems with viewing new reviews? It says that I have 11 reviews for Ninjamon 2000 but it only shows me 7 reviews. Anyone else having issues with that?**

**Do you Lavashippers like the Kai/Cole hints? I did that just for you!**

**FYI: I'm gonna start updating When Dimensions Collide II, hopefully the new chapter will be up by this evening.**

**Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toaster!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	2. Chapter 2: Anywhere but Home

Sensei: Let's see, after I get rid of them, I'll put the pinball machine here and the sectional couch here-

Kai: Hey Sensei! Come look! We're training!

Sensei: Not now Timmy! I'm planning on killing you all and using your rooms as several parts of a man cave!

Kai: What?

Sensei: NOTHING! I'm coming! *Walks out to the training area*

Jay: *blocking arrows with his nunchucks* What? Is Katniss on the roof? Where the hell are these arrows coming from?!

Cole: *Jumps onto the dummy revolver* OW! I stubbed the toe I don't have because I'm a LEGO!

Kai: TORNADO MOO-OW! I stepped on another nail!

Zane: *Thinks to himself* ..._I just realized that this is not the bathroom. Quickly, make it look like you were meditating! *_Gets up and jumps in front of Jay!*

Jay: Hey-AH! AN ARROW WENT THROUGH MY HAND!

Zane: *Steals Cole's scythe*

Cole: Sensei! Zane's touching my stuff!

Sensei: AH! THERE'S A GRIZZLY BEAR IN THE MONASTERY!

Cole: *Angry tone* Mmmmmm...

Zane: ICE TORNADO MOVE! *Uses spinjitzu and freezes the training course*

Kai: *slips on the ice* OW! Aw great, now there's an icicle in my ass!

Cole: This course isn't big enough for all of our asses!

Kai: Correction, this course isn't big enough for Sensei. Let's go stab him

Jay: No Kai, we're not killing Sensei

Kai: Awww...but seriously, we need to do something about Zane

Sensei: Why do you want to get rid of Zane?

Cole: Because he's weird and different and we don't like that

Sensei: Why do you think he's weird?

Cole: Don't make us have a flashback

**-Flashback-**

Cole: Damn it!

* * *

*In the bathroom*

Cole: *Reading the paper, but he's actually hiding a yaoi fan fiction behind it* Oh yeah, poop and yaoi, greatest combination in the world

Zane: *Comes in and starts combing his hair*

Cole: GET OUT OF HERE! I DESERVE THIS ALONE TIME!

**NEXT**

*Jay, Nya, and Zane are watching The Lion King*

Jay and Nya: *crying over Mufasa's death*

Zane: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mufasa's face is all furry! HAHAHAHAHA!

Jay:: ...What the actual f*ck Zane?

**NEXT**

Kai: *Walking to the fridge, opens it and sees Zane in it* AHH! WHAT THE HELL?!

Zane: Oh, Kai, thank god! There's no toilet paper in here!

Kai: ...*Slowly closes the door*

* * *

Cole: I did deserve that alone time...

Mailman: Ding dong! I'm imitating your doorbell because the last time I rung it I had to change my pants!

Kai: Oh boy, the mail's here!

Sensei: Wait, we get mail?

Mailman: Okay, let's see what we got. A letter from Jay's parents, the newest issue of Yaoi Monthly for Kai, and something from Cole's father

Cole: What the hell? I'm expecting something I ordered something from a fake company!

Mailman: No nothing from a fake-wait, here it is! *Pulls out a package*

Cole: Well so much for being fake. I'm going to feed whatever's in here to my dragon.

Kai: *Reading Yaoi Monthly* Oh yeah...yeah ship that lava...yeah

Jay: Hey Zane, I just now realized that you don't get any mail. Do your parents not give a damn about you like we do?

Zane: No, I don't have parents

Sensei: What?! MY CHILDREN ARE DEAD?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Zane: I'm still not your grandchild Sensei. You don't even have children.

Sensei: How dare yousay that! Go to your room Leonard!

Zane: *Sighs* My name's Zane, but alright *Goes to his room*

***In the dragon stables***

Cole: Hey Rocky look, I found a random frog in this box. Since I haven't fed you in three days, I guess I'll let you eat it *Tosses frog to Rocky* Well, I guess I'll sit here and watch you eat that mysterious frog before I go sit on the toilet and read more yaoi fics.

***Meanwhile, somewhere in the forest***

Skales: Man, I get terrible reception out here. I only get three channels out here and the only decent show on is the Cole's Eyesight Show.

Soldiers: Well you could watch FOX News

Skales: Are you kidding me? That network is more evil than me!

Slithraa: Hey you two, quit slacking off! Lloyd wants this tree house done by tomorrow and that's not gonna happen if 2 out of our 89 workers aren't working!

Skales: Why do we have to work for Lloyd? He's just a puny non-cargo short wearing child!

Slithraa: Well I looked at my own reflection and that means that were his slaves, so do as he says!

Skales: ...What?

Lloyd: Hey! This tree house needs more booby traps!

Skales: HA! you said booby! I'm so telling your mother!

Lloyd: She won't be introduced until Episode 20!

Skales: DAMN IT!

***At the monastery***

Jay: Mm, I love it whens it Zane's night to cook. Too bad that my mouth is nothing but a sticker so we can't really eat.

Kai: Damn you LEGO, you ruined eating for us!

Zane: *comes out of the kitchen wearing a pink apron, placing a cooked chicken on the table* I so did not drop this onto the floor several times

Ninja: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

Jay: Why is the turkey not wearing f*cking cargo shorts?!

Zane: Why are you laughing? Did someone tell a good 'yo mama' joke?

Kai: No, you came out wearing that totally stupid outfit...and also we're laughing at the apron

Zane: I don't find what's so funny about it

Cole: Then how about this *Shoves food in Kai's face*

Kai: AAAAHHHHHH! THE SWEET AND SPICY IS IN MY EYES!

Sensei: Haha...wait, what is this perfectly good hat doing on the table. Damn it Johnny, I told you not to put your baseball helmet on the table! *Puts a bowl of soup on Cole's head*

Cole: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sensei: *Puts a hand on both Cole and Zane* I should have signed you both up for soccer

Kai: Uh...what?

Zane: *Walks out back and puts his apron in the trash can*

?: Zane...

Zane: Huh?

?: Up here you friggin' fruit!

Zane: *Looks up and sees a black falcon* Who are you?

Flacon: That's not important. Now dance for me!

Zane: Uh, okay *dances by flapping his arms and kicking his feet*

Flacon: Good. Now Zane, you must go to the Dagobah System and find Yoda

Zane: What?

Falcon: Kidding! But you should totally follow me down this mountain. I have something to show you

Zane: Can't you just tell me?

Falcon: Nope! *Flies away*

Zane: What is happening with the world today? Talking animals and drunk Sensei's...it's all so f*cked up *Follows falcon*

***In the forest***

Zane: *Heavy breathing* Oh god...I hate running...but my specialty is stealth...CRAP!

Falcon: Hey fruit cup! Look up!

Zane: Why the hell do you want me to-OH MY FIRST SPINJITZU MASTER! *Sees the giant Serpentine tree house*

Lloyd: If I see one girl in here, I'm going to Little Kid Tantrum like there's no tomorrow

Zane: Oh my god...that tree house is awesome! I'm working for the wrong side!

Falcon: Why don't you go get your friends and show then the Serpentine's hideout?

Zane: Awww, do I have to? I haven't even ridden the tree swing yet!

Falcon: Go already you fruit cocktail!

Zane: Alright, you don't have to be a little bitch about it

Falcon: Don't get sassy you Fruit Rollup!

***The next day after fighting with the fruit obsessed falcon***

Zane: Come on, I'm 13% sure that it was this way

Kai: I don't like those odds!

Zane: Well, I don't like your yaoi obsessions. So just roll with it.

Jay: How did you find Lloyd's hideout again

Zane: I followed the talking bird

Jay: You...followed a...talking bird?

Zane: Yeah, it kept calling me a variety of fruit based things. It sounds harmless but my feeling were hurt very badly.

Kai: What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Zane: I'm a robot, I'm weird. But we won't know that until Episode 7 and hey look, there's the giant tree house!

Jay: Whoa, that tree house kicks ass!

Zane: I know right?

Cole: Hey, which side are you two on?

Jay: If being evil means I get to ride the kick ass zip line then I'm with the snakes

Zane: Totally

Kai: Shut up and listen to the plan that we're not going to discuss until we're inside the tree house and surrounded by dozens of snakes who can easily see or hear us

Jay: ...Okay

*Ninja travel inside the treehouse*

Kai: Alright, you three cut down those three vines holding up the tree house

Jay: What are you going to do?

Kai: I'm going to test how sturdy the tree swing is

Jay: Lucky bastard, I wanted that job

*Cole, Jay, and Zane climb the trees holding up the tree house*

Jay: LIGHTNING TORNADO MOVE! *Cuts the vine*

Soldier: HOLY SH*T THE FORT IS FALLING! EVERYONE PANIC ON THE UNSTABLE FLOOR!

Serpentine: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Zane: ICE TORNADO MOVE! *cuts the vine*

Scout: OW! I FELL ON SOME NAILS!

Kai: Ha! Unlucky bitch-OW I STEPPED ON A NAIL! DAMN IT!

Jay: Cole, wait until Kai's off the fort!

Cole: Awwww, do I have to?

Jay: Unfortunately

Skales: OH MY GOD WE'RE GOINGTO DIE! Save us Smokey the Bear!

Cole: Huh, what? *Hypnotized*

Skales: Oh yeah, that's right, you're still hypnotized. Get rid of those other three while we retreat to your monastery and get our staff back.

Cole: Duh, okay boss! Hey colorful losers, prepare to die!

Zane: No! Cole you can't say that!

Cole: What? Losers?

Zane: No, you can't say 'die'! Apparently LEGO won't allow it!

Cole: ...F*CK LEGO!

Ninja: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jay: I'LL KILL YOU! *Throws an electric blast at Cole*

Cole: OW, MY ORGANS! Y'all bitches are gonna pay for that

Sensei: WAIT, LISTEN TO THIS NEW RAP SONG! *Plays the Sacred Flute*

Kai: How is that a rap song?

Zane: It's Sensei, just roll with it

Cole: Hey, that new rap song cured me of my hypnosis

Kai: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Cole: Still not happening Kai

Kai: Awww...plenty of fanfics out there that says that it does happen

Cole: Not in this fic it won't

Kai: Damn it!

Nya: SHUT UP AND GET ON THE DRAGON!

Jay: Well you don't have to be such a bitch about it

Nya: *Angry tone* Mmmmmm...

*Ninja jump onto Flame and fly back to the monastery to find it burnt down*

Kai: NO! OUR HOME!

Sensei: They took their staff back

Zane: But how did they get here and leave so fast? I mean you had to ride a freaking dragon to get us! How fast are those snakes?

Cole: Very fast apparently and-OH MY GOD OUR OTHER NEGLECTED DRAGONS! *Jumps down and frees the dragons*

Zane: Shard the dragon who people assume is a girl, put this out!

Shard: *Puts out fire with ice breath*

Kai: *Picks up a piece of wood* I'm angry so I'm going to crush this piece of wood and-OW I GOT A SPLINTER! I blame Zane for all of this stuff!

Cole: Yeah, Zane is somehow responsible for all of this because he's different than the rest of us!

Sensei: HEY! STOP FIGHTING! I will give you all spankings!

Kai: Can I get mine from Cole?

Sensei: No

Kai: Damn it!

Jay: Hey guys look, Zane left!

Sensei: Zane who?

***At the Hypnobrai Tundra Cave***

Lloyd: Yo, General. You should, like, get your staff back from Skales in a fight to the death

Slithraa: I doubt that will happen, but I guess it's worth a try. Hey Skales, gimme back my staff!

Skales: How about 'no' you blue hypnotized bastard?

Slithraa: Oh bitch you are so asking for it! To the Slither Pit for a fight to the death!

Lloyd: Yaaaay!

Skales: Shut up Lloyd

*Skales and Slithraa enter the Slither Pit*

Slithraa: Alright boy, we're throwing down! We're throwing down right now! I'm gonna wipe the floor with your scaly ass! Come at me you blue pile of-

Skales: *Kicks Slithraa in the face*

Snake: Hey! He used Fang Kwon Do! Because that's a thing that will never appear in a later episode!

Slithraa: I've been defeated, and for some reason I'm growing legs

Skales: Oh my god! My legs are fusing together, I don't like this! I really don't like this! But at least I'm the general now.

Lloyd: Hey look, a map trapped in a piece of ice. I'm gonna take it!

Skales: After you're done doing that, get the hell out of here!

Soldier: Uh, I think that's the map of the Serpentine tomb locations

Skales: Wait, it is?! Hey! Put that map ba-*Sees that Lloyd is gone*

Soldier: What do we do know?

Skales: You guys train for some sort of war while I try to find my crotch

***In the middle of nowhere***

Kai: Brrr, we're freezing in the middle of the desert!

Jay: I'm going to throw this rock! *throws a rock and it lands in a can* I wonder where that can came from

Sensei: Enough complaining everyone! We must be thankful for what we still have!

Cole: Sensei, we don't have anything

Sensei: Oh yeah...well we're all going to die!

Zane: Not if I have anything to say about it

Kai: Oh joy, Zane's back...huzzah

Jay: According to Technoshipping, I MISSED YOU ZANE!

Zane: Get the hell away from me and go to the back of the group as everyone follows me. I have something to show all y'all

*Everyone follows Zane*

Zane: That talking falcon showed me something that I think you'll like

Kai: A visual yaoi fic?

Zane: No Kai, not a visual yaoi fic. Stop talking about those for god sake

Kai: Never

Zane: Anyway, take a look at this ship the falcon found!

Jay: Why is there a ship in the middle of the desert?

Zane: Don't ask, you'll find out in Episode 15. Besides, this ship is great! There's pie in it!

Cole: You made pie?!

Zane: ...Sure, yeah, I made it...yeah...totally didn't find it there and cleaned them up to look new...totally did not do that...totally...

*The ninja and Nya run to the ship*

Sensei: Leonard-

Zane: It's Zane

Sensei: Don't sass me boy! But, I'm proud of you.

Zane: Sensei, do I have the ass of the green ninja?

Sensei: It's too early to tell, you have to let it grow in first before I can determine who it is. Now let's go eat that century old pie.

Lloyd: *Watching the ninja and sighs* ...How did I end up in the desert? I was just in a tundra!

Kai: ISN'T LEGO LOGIC MAGICAL?!

_**NINJAGO: The Abridged Series**_

* * *

**Whoo, this chapter is longer than the last one, but it took me a shorter time to write it**

**I think that this chapter is funnier for some reason...it probably is**

**I'm really bending over backwards for you Lavashippers because, honestly, I don't support yaoi...I don't...I really don't**

**make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toaster!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


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